


2020 : calming madness

by VisibleClosedEyes



Category: Original Work
Genre: Abusive Parents, Abusive Relationships, Aggression, Death, Depression, Disturbing Themes, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, F/F, Mental Anguish, Mental Instability, Personality Disorder, Poetry, maybe bad poetry, positive thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 22:42:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 32
Words: 1,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30062679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VisibleClosedEyes/pseuds/VisibleClosedEyes
Summary: (some of these works has already been uploaded on Wattpad, but it's kinda discontinued there)
Kudos: 2





	1. Love People

**Love People**

I love people, I truly do

Including her, including you

It’s 20 and 20

I love people and reality 

This world seems fucked

With bitterness let’s give us hugs

Drown in techno 

That isn’t so bad

We live better though

Let’s not be mad


	2. Deformities

**Deformities**

Those who born with mind deformities 

You can’t change it, that’s realities

Maybe you wish they would not speak

_ ‘Mind retarded folk should be meek’ _

But I feel bad for you 

For you so out of love to says such things

To you


	3. Life and Death amateurishly explained

**Life and Death amateurishly explained**

Birth is the beginning of suffering 

And death is the salvation of all

Salvation that was not an offering 

But a promise for all

Life begins at the end of fall

Suffering continues 

The end is dull

The promise will come when life starts 

Like the guaranteed winter after seasons

Life’s content at large

Are all sufferings and the solutions

With relief and tension 

There is no promised land

With father, or daughter 

Life on earth, live like fish in cans

While people getting larger and larger 

Large in a physical sense( of course) but wealth too!


	4. Love Realist

**Love Realist**

Get off of fake love, tinder would sound more real 

There are holes in my heart, that wouldn’t be filled

Love is a privilege, not a promise

I want her by my side but I’m a realist

Dream for a thousand nights, still not a promise 

Some people – maybe – we're meant to be alone


	5. Red Roses Lover

**Red Roses Lover**

Your blood is as red as roses

And the way that you pose

You said you love me 

Remember my love? On 30

Of January – 2016

It's such a good time 

Our soul’s rhymes 

You said you never love me

In February 

Remember?

I was your rebound 

Just a girl snack you found 


	6. By day, By night

**By day, By night**

It’s time to move, by day

And go home and fuck, by night

Paint my house in red dim light

It is on your face – shines brightly

I want you to own my life

And take it by knife

Fake knife 


	7. Food

**Food**

I walk a thin line

Borderline eating disorders 

I felt filled 

And every cal matter

I breathe out the feeling of a feverish dream

And I can’t actually breath it seems


	8. Looks & Love

**Looks & Love**

Love the way I look, Sometimes it will be like that

A little bit of meat, a little bit of fat

No one can hate themselves all the time like that

A little bit proud, a little bit of vanity 

Who are you to tell us to be as small as a rat


	9. Smart

**Smart**

They tell you to look pretty when you are silent 

They tell you are better when you don't talk

Maybe it is because you aren't very intelligent 

But it’s okay, they can't tell you how to talk


	10. Extrovert

**Extrovert**

I hate silence and solitary 

What kind of bad lottery is it?

I want to get lost in the sea

Sea of people, buzzing like bees

I cannot be alone

And this isolation was praised

As virtuous and condoned 

In my world, silence means wisdom

But my body is all dry up

With boredom 


	11. Birth of daughter

**Birth of daughter**

2020 is the important year

The sky is clear, and in my head –  _ ’ Cheer! ’ _

This is the year my soul is born

Mother of the earth giving birth at dawn

While looking at her geopolitical 

Daughter to be borne


	12. Who’s know?

**Who’s know?**

The bride stripe bare by her bachelors, even 

Like the way, I sit on your lap

You look through the crack of the door,  **_Given_ **

The wonder of what happened as you see a woman

Is she me? Is she got beaten?


	13. Incomplete

**Incomplete**

I do feel something when I’m alone

A sense of loss – breathless despair

It is invalid and should not be condoned

I’m not well – I am incomplete, alone

Breath very. Short

Listen. To the clock – tick tock

Sound carries like a dot

Is it bad that family is not enough?

Do you have a laugh?

I should have left my feelings in the draft


	14. Insanity fever

**Insanity fever**

It’s hot in January 

It came from me, inside out

Driving me to insanity 

The shortness - of breath

The shivering, cold, fuming fever

Of heat and cold from head to the liver

Like mercury, hot and cold

Like insanity, in and out


	15. Be free

**Be free**

The mistake I made is to never live

I let live went away, I’m out of breath 

Let’s be free, put that needle– deep

Air cut short, lungs go freeze 

Death will be my freedom 

And the may - existing kingdom 

With a god killing out of boredom 

Inject my poison in my veins.

Please don’t miss the heart

I’m scared of pain 


	16. Poison

**Poison**

There is poison in my veins

Either it’s your or me

Let’s finish up this early death

So we all can be Free

Fuck me and my heart 

On this bloody sheet of my bed


	17. Self harm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW // Disturbing theme

**Self harm**

Self - harm will never be beautiful 

On the mind, the fresh or the wool

**_Do I look like a fool?_ **

What do you want me to tell you?

Romantic – you  _ expect _

Traumatic – I  _ corrected _

Are you mad? My little sunshine 

What? Are you a fucking child?

I will cut my vein and put it in your mouth 

Force you to drink without a doubt 

Look! Look!

This is what I did to myself 

My head, lungs, and heart on the shelf

And I am a repulsive human shell

Not a full person, I am 


	18. Success for your parents

**Success for your parents**

You should be half-successful 

Because when your parents die

That’s all it’s left for you

Nothings 


	19. Appreciate

**Appreciate**

There is no heaven afterlife

‘I love you’

It took 3 breaths to be appreciative 

All should do it as a collective 

So. Go.

Before it came to you first 

Death.


	20. Hate books

**Hate books**

I got books as my present

Something I quietly resent

It distracts me from my moment 

It’s the object of the past, not present 

I read a lot when I was younger 

That’s why I became a loner

But now I suffer no longer 

I touch it once or twice 

No longer I want to read

No longer I want the fantasy world


	21. Tar Love

**Tar Love**

The ocean is not blue neither is the sky

But what we see is only in our eyes

Like the way we see our love 

I think it was red – like blood and roses 

In truth It is black – black pear doses 

Tar black like Black Pear

I'm addicted to you and your curves 

You are my black poison 


	22. Money

**Money**

Diamond or Diamorphine 

Both of them are drugs as it seems 

Sparkling crystal – shining out like a beam

Or black, brown, tar of deathly beauty

Diamond for a woman – a little dainty 

White death for the ruined dainty beauty 

Hooked your veins up on money and fame

Or go down the drain, like the far gone dame


	23. Neutral

**Neutral**

It’s neither good nor bad

To lost love with someone you promised

Love is a fine sugar

In blood vein as it spikes up

And goes down 

It’s okay, just leave it be

Says, ‘Honestly, this is not me’

You have freedom of heart

Freedom to fall in and out of love


	24. Sugar

**Sugar**

Sugar in my vein 

And you are my bane

But I need you like I need my Hersey

I will consume you 

Until I become intolerant of you

And all I can do is wait for my end

Like a fool


	25. Fake Disorder

**Fake Disorder**

Disorders don’t come with intelligence 

Like depression isn’t your trait

You want some, pretend some

Come, take it. Take my brain 

And don’t come back for a refund 

You think it’s all good run n fun

You want little ‘ quirk’ like a messy bun

Illness of a brain is a hole in the eyes

We lots lose truth and perfection of the sky

Imagine. Now.

A clear, clean, bright mind

Into the sky, I fly

Like a healthy young bird, it won’t die

Who do you think live like this? 

It’s you, you. You rag of jizz

Give me your body 

Give me your life 

Give me your talent and soul

Oh woe is you, woe woe

Maybe you lots are sick as fuck

Lack of identity syndrome 


	26. Untitled

**Untitled**

Angel Dust or angel crush?

Angel lust or angel rush

With you, I feel the rush

Superhuman dust

You can beat me up, angel girl

Take me my pearl 

Take it away, take my innocence 

I’m your bottom dyke


	27. Sugar Love Inertia

**Sugar Love** **Inertia**

Your love is as brilliant as a fine sugar

Spike up in my vein

You will hurt me in the end

I hate your sweet seduction

And all the symptoms progression

Your love filled me up

I lost hope, I feel  lethargic

You keep me in the state of inertia

Sugary lovely demonic


	28. Beauty of the other Girls

**Beauty of the other Girls**

I and the girls 

We went down to the street 

Wanna get them pearls

Pearls so white, so feminine 

Or the blackest, still a girl

Gold, gems, or pearls 

What colors, no matter 

We are girls

Not much alike, diverse hair curls

Me and my girls

We share and differ

If that’s what we are, what’s the matter?

My Girl and me

The one that I fucked, beside the sea

We are similar as you see

Why? Does it matter?

For I love beauty, and she is nerdy


	29. People

**People**

Ocean is colorless

But so much of water turn them blue

In some places, its green or black

It’s just like you

So many faces, but not intend to fool

That’s human, my love

So many stories, emotion looks like curve

Up and down and down and up

Changing like sun and moon change the light

Bright and dark and darkest and grey

Like stream of thought in a day

People never bore me

They will never be, incapable and will not be


	30. Calming Madness **

**Calming Madness**

Dead eyes, calm face

Building up inside, the calming madness

Suicidal , and reckless 

Day in and day out

But I will smile

So I will not feel like dying 

I see your face from miles and miles

Hope of tomorrow keeps us alive

A Maddening drive

Yet so honorable, so simple 

Tomorrow is a chance of madness 

Hope is a gambling 

You don’t tweaking, for high

We let Hope play with us

But that’s just how it is

Hope is only chance of us

Not to die


	31. Suicide by Cars

**Suicide by Cars**

You give birth to a pisces

I’m a pisces, my heart's a mess

Wrath filled my soul

I hope you die

Looks at me, why should I live?

Why I am still alive

Let’s go suicide while we drive

Where I looks at car crash, every now and then

So when?

When 

When will it be my time?

You should go die first, deserved that honors 

We will be two drowners

On the street 

In my blood

And in your sorry body


	32. Cold War

**Cold War**

America is on the opposite of Russia in 1962

Like the distance we have between us

Oh, I know how to not mess with you

But we know well that we know what we know

We won’t fight. Now, smile and put on the show

You are ice cold, yeah I’ve been told

But me and you, we burn hot and quiet 

In 1962 – There was a crisis

In 2562, in Thailand – our little crisis

You are so close to me

Your breathe, I can even see

Wouldn’t you want to hug me, big sis?

Too bad you will collapse 

One day


End file.
